


one two

by Foxfry



Series: french fries please? [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Sad Ending, Sad!Laf, Self-Harm, Short One Shot, Suicide, What Have I Done, it's for a good reason promise, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9643313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxfry/pseuds/Foxfry
Summary: if only he waited six more minutes.warning: thoughts of self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, and ending suicide.





	1. it happens

**Author's Note:**

> haven't uploaded in a while enjoy :3
> 
> warnings; suicide, mentions of abuse, and self harm. no story is worth your safety.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: thoughts of self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, and ending suicide.

"Laf?"

Lafayette curled himself into a tighter ball, if that was even possible. Tears rolled softly down his cheeks, ruining his already stained makeup. He let out a few weak sobs and was rewarded by the opening of the old door.

"Oh my god Laf are you alright?" Laf cringed at the footsteps pounding in his ears and soft arms wrapping around him. Surrendering from his isolation, he leaned into the hold. Another hand pet his head lightly, breathing out comforting words.

"Laf, please answer us."

Final the french teen looked up at the two worried faces; freckled John and shaggy haired Alex. He blinked once, cuddling closer to the two.

"I shouldn't love him."

Realization flashed in Alex's eyes and her whispered something to John. John gasped, holding Laf a little tighter.

"You can love him Laf."

"No I can't he's happy with Peggy. That would be selfish." He looked down at his shirt, trying to interest himself with the lovely purple fabric. It was crinkled with tear stains and his self-pity.

"I even ruined the shirt he made me."

Laf could remember it all so clearly; spending hours in his room with John and Alex giggling. All the hours of makeup, dealing with John's old hair brush, picking the 'perfect outfit', determined to look his best for the boy. Only for those five words to stop his heart.

"Me and Peggy are dating!"

it rung in his ears, getting louder and louder like a chant. "Me and Peggy and dating. Me and Peggy are dating. Me and Peggy are dating..."

This was worse then George's cold fingers or beatings. Everything would have been better if he just stayed with him: the only person who loved him didn't even love him. He should and never fallen for that buffy man with dark skin and loud, warm, booming voice. Hercules.

Lafayette cried softly into John's chest. "Why can't I do anything right?" he whimpered. "I hate myself. Stupid, ugly, unloved, little french boy."

"Laf don't say that."

The boy held his tongue, nodding once. "Can I just have a moment alone?"

Hesitation. He could smell it on his two friends. Please go please go.

"Alrighty, but we'll be right back."

The arms unwrapped around him and the chest was replaced with hard wood. A few heavy footsteps later and the door was closed. Thank god.

He'd try to ignore the itch crawling up his arms and legs. Tried to focus on something else.

It didn't work.

Laf's breathing hitched as he made his way to the door. Locked.

He stumbled to his bed and stuck a hand underneath it, feeling for the chipped wood.

Found it.

He flicked it once, feeling the cold touch of his prized treasure. He carefully slipped his hand out, staring at the old razer with a sad smile.

"Hello old friend ."

He couldn't have thrown them all away, his lifeline while in the hell hole known and George King's house.

Laf sighed, sitting onto his bed. Usually it was just a cut or two. Maybe even 6. The most; 15.

But what if he just ended it right there. He could. Two deep cuts running down his wrists was a fair enough price for relief. No more pain, not more sadness.

No more sleepless nights curled into a ball clutching his pillow. Crying and wishing he could be anyone else. Wishing for death. Wishing for the pain to stop. He just wanted the pain to stop.

Finally he blinked, standing up and grabbing a sheet of paper and his favorite pen. Laf quickly scribbled a paragraph down, let's his mind flow to his hand. He carried it the to bed and dropped it lightly on the blankets. He sat down, let's crossed and staring at the blade.

He'd done this before one, curled on his bed in George's room. His master was out, most likely getting drunk off his friends. It hurt that day, knowing no one had loved him. But in the end, he was to scared of death. This time however it was much worse. Of how he used to tell Herc he was so happy to be there, thinking that he was blessed to stay alive.

Now he wished he hadn't.

With a final sigh, he closed his eyes and dragged the blade down his wrists.

One.

Two.

One Two.

if only he waited six more minutes for a certain buffy, lovely boy to shoot into his room and tell him he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha i have no soul do i
> 
> may add another chapter from Herc's point of view? what do you all think?


	2. why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how did this effect Hercules Mulligan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall it's be me again. my keyboard broke, so i couldn't type. just got a hold of my sister's laptop, so made this rather long chapter about Herc during all of this. hope you all enjoy :3
> 
> warning: thoughts of self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, and ending suicide.

"Ready to go?"

Hercules shifted his eyes from the window, blinking once. He straightened up, turning to Peggy's bright eyes. He grinned , opening the car door with one swift motion.

"Of course, let's go."

He slide out the door, slamming it and strolled up into the brightly lit house. Herc shook his head fondly. Who's idea was it to decorate Mount Vernon in gleaming lights. Oh right. Laf. He sighed once. Laf. Beautiful, caring, shy little Laf. The teen could clearly remember the first time he met him; it was just Alex, John, and him, closing up their cozy little coffee shop after a busy Saturday filled to the brim with students. The tables had been cleaned, the dishes washed. All that was left was locking up the cash register. Alex was fiddling with it, while John flung the dishes into the cabinet. Just seconds later, he met Laf. He had staggered into the cafe with Peggy not far behind. She's found him on her evening stroll though the city, collapsed beneath a rusty bench with a nasty looking cut across his leg and a painful expression. The gang fixed him up, taking him to Mount Vernon for the aid of Martha Washington. They all quickly fell in love with the flustered boy who spoke in french and he moved in while John and Herc stayed in their apartments not far away, enjoying the independent lifestyle they had chosen. But that was a year ago. And boy had he changed. He was no longer confused and completely isolated, but caring and rather funny with his little jokes.

"HERC!"

Alex's booming voice awoke him from his thoughts as the small teen charged into his stomach. John cannon balled into his side with a high pitched battle cry. Herc chuckled, wrapping his friends into a hard embrace. They squeaked and struggled until he dropped them.

"Alex, John," he began, his voice purposely rising. "You have invented a new kinda stupid-"

"Hey!" Angelica barreled outside, he eyes playfully narrowed. "Who's mocking me I swear to god!" She stalked over to Peggy, wrapping her arms around an excited Peggy. Her sister giggled, returning the hug.

"Sorry Angie," John squeaked, rubbing his sides. "It was all Herc please do not hurt meh or small Alex."

Angelica ignored Alex's triggered yell and Herc's booming laugh. She rolled her eyes, motioning to her friends and sister into the house. They all happily pranced inside, being greeting by several faces. He turned his head up the stairs and was completely stunned at the cheery face that greeted him.

Lafayette stood on the top, chatting with broccoli haired Thomas. Herc found himself grinning. God he was gorgeous, with the light purple shirt and light blue skinny jeans. He felt himself glowing with pride; he'd made that shirt just for him. The french teen turned around, meeting Herc's eyes. Oh my god he had makeup on. It was amazing, highlighting his rosy cheeks and enhancing his large, gleaming brown eyes. The teen could pretty much feel the blush rising to his cheeks and looked away. Footsteps brought his eyes back up and was rewarded with a soft hug.

"Hey Herc," he breathed, pressing his head to his chest. "Missed ya a lot."

"Hey," Herc squeaked, cursing himself for his cracking voice. Laf giggled at this, pulling away and looking up at him. 

"A whole year huh?"

"Yeah."

Laf cocked his head, glancing behind the teen. "Heyo Peggy!" he greeted, trotting over to the girl. He kissed her hand, causing Peggy to laugh.

"Wow always so formal huh?"

"Ahh, but your would too living around his George."

This earned another laugh before George Washington tapped the glass cup, calling everyone over. "Everyone!"

Herc strolled up, plopping down onto the couch. Peggy joined him, laying almost completely on top of him. Laf sat down next to seeming oddly stiff. Herc played if off though. Maybe he was hungry.

"As you all know," George began, stopping only to glance up at Alex. "Son please get off on the table."

Alex's angry "I'm not your son," was ignored and George continued his speech.

"It's been exactly one year since a certain french guy came into this group and befriended this weird group of small and angry teens. Laf, you've been such an amazing person despite the hell you've lived through. We hope you'll enjoy the next years as part of the Hamilsin squad."

"Hamil what!?"

Alex spat out his drunk, sputtering backwards and into John. "Oi!"

Peggy looked up at Herc, and question blooming in her eyes. He nodded and she sat up. 

"Can we tell everyone something real quick."

Laf gulped down his drink. "Floor's your's."

Herc smiled. "Me and Peggy are dating," he announced. 

"Congrats!"

"How long?"

"Why haven't you ever told us?!"

Laf sat silent for a moment, glancing oddly at his drink before looking up at the teen and smiling. "Great!" he exclaimed. "That's amazing."

Herc breathed out. "Thanks," he grinned. "Glade you're all fine with this."

"Of course, but you mind if I grab something from my room?"

"Sure, I mean you pretty much live here."

Laf hurried to his room, leaving a confused Herc. He glanced and John and Alex, who shared the same confusion. With a silent nod of agreement, Alex and John stood up following the french boy. Everyone else stayed in the room, chatting happily.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Herc?"

Herc tilted his head, hearing Alex and John's worried voices. He tilted his head, hurrying over to them. They stood, squished together away from the crowd.

"When did you guys get back?' He asked, looking oddly at the two.

"It's Laf your gotta go talk to him."

"John what's going on?"

John looked rather upset, his eyes betrayed his sadness. "It's Laf," he began, tripping over his words. Alex noticed this quickly, wrapping his arms protectively around him. 

"He loves you damn it," he whispered. John nodded.

Everything was silent except for John's quiet sobs. Herc stood, holding his breathe. Laf loved him. Laf, the sweet quiet funny french boy loved hi. Damn, it was too god to be true.

"You're joking right?"

"Of course not!" Alex spat, anger burning in his eyes for a moment before deflating. "He told us. Right now, he's up in his room crying because he hates himself for loving you when your dating Peggy." Guilt crashed onto Herc's stomach. Peggy was such a good friend to him, but he really never loved her life he did for Laf. When Peggy had bounced up to him rosy cheeks and shy smile, confessing to him he couldn't say no and break her heart. But now, with Laf loving him, what was he going to do? Herc opened his mouth, a reply forming wildly into his mind only to be quickly interrupted.

I knew it."

Peggy waltzed up to the group. " I knew you loved him too." She sighed once with relief. "You gotta go tell him."

"But I thought-"

"Herc, I knew it as soon as you saw each other." Peggy pushed a string of her away from her eyes. "You both loved each other, way more than friends. Why else would I tell you I loved you? If I hadn't someone would have asked ya. Don't you get it?" 

Herc, Alex, and John all stared confused at her.

"I asked you out so you wouldn't feel bad breaking up with someone who really loved you like that for Laf. I never really loved you like that but he does and you got to let him now."

Herc nodded, clenching his fists. "Alright," he breathed. "I'm going." He hurried up the stairs, skidding to a stop in front of the door. Quickly, he rammed his fist onto the door. "Laf? can you open up?"

Nothing.

Panic flooding his body and he knocked again. "Laf? Please?" When nothing responded, he scrambled into the bathroom, ripping out a bobby pin, and twisted it into the lock. "Laf I love-"

Oh my god.

There, lying limp in his room lay the small french boy with two crimson lines across his wrists. Blood rolled out, but there was no life pulsing after.

With a withered sob her screamed for anything or anyone.

Too late. 

Just six minutes too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to include Laf's suicide note, but this got way to long and i felt like cutting out some bits might make it more confusing. Don't worry, it'll be posted real soon as it's own chapter.
> 
> also, planning to make another series of lam one-shots (my other otp save me i'm shipping my dead founding fathers) so stay tuned for that. 
> 
> anyways thanks for all the support ;3


	3. the letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why laf?
> 
>  
> 
> warning: thoughts of self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, and ending suic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow two chapters a day.i just got so pumped and said i'd write a bit. sorry wrote the whole letter. enjoy though :3
> 
>  
> 
> warning: thoughts of self harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of rape, and ending suicide. no story is worth your safety.

_Dearest Hercules_

 

~~_Wow, I've been hanging around with Alex for too long huh?_ ~~

 

_Well, I'm assuming if your reading this, your a strong, caring, amazing teen named Hercules Mulligan._

 

_You probably  have a lot of questions. I'll answer one. I'm guessing it's after the party, and everyone's gone or about too but being the perfect human being you are your checking on me. Sorry for the horrible sight. I know I'm ugly and fat. I guess now I'm ugly, fat, and dead._

 

_Question number one; why?_

 

_The one thing ~~master~~ George always taught me was "you're an ugly, stupid good for nothing but me to own. You should be so lucky I love you because no one else does or ever will."  I know you and Alex and John said he was wrong about everything and I wasn't ugly or stupid and I don't belong to anyone but is that completely true? Should I really have run away from him? He told me over and over again that he loves me but it didn't really feel right. I'm just selfish like he said. This is probably part of why I did this. Because I know deep inside I am stupid, just like he said "Stupid, ugly, unloved little french boy." I just wish I was someone else. You have no idea how many sleepless nights crying and crying and crying while holding onto my little pillow. I wanted to die so bad. I thought if I just die, everything would stop. I'm too tired to keep trying or living. But of course there was one reason I couldn't die:_

 

_The hope that maybe you loved me._

 

_I know that's so stupid. You're probably cringing in disgust . I mean who could even love someone so useless as me? But little dumb me thought I had a chance. Tonight I was so excited. I told Alex and John that I loved you for so long. They didn't hate me though and said I had a chance. So they helped me pick out clothes, do my hair, and put on just the right amount of makeup. I had so much fun and I couldn't wait to see you. When I say you everything about you was amazing. I chose to wait until after George "toast" everyone and confess to you. But then everything went tumbling down._

 

_"Me and Peggy are Dating"_

 

_I tried to act happy and all smiles before hiding into my room. I jut broke down. Sobbing and clawing at my arms. John and Alex came in, telling me it was okay to still love you. It wasn't you and Peggy are perfect for each other. I'd just ruin it. I asked them to leave and locked the door. I should be happy for you but I was too selfish. I needed to feel pain again. I wanted George back to hurt me, hit me with something, but I had to do that myself. And we all know how that went out._

 

_I know you hate me, and know your glad I'm dead. I am too. I jut wanted for you to know I love you no matter what. You wont see me again though, cause I know an angel like you will go to heaven forever, but I got a one-way ticket to hell. I'll still love you though, no matter what._

 

_Thank you for helping me when you never had too_

 

_Love_

 

_Lafayette_

 

_P.S. If I'm still alive, please don't make me suffer anymore and finish me off_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading. look forward to more one-shots and a lams series 
> 
> if you're ever experiencing something affecting your mental health (does not have to be suicide or self harm) please visit this website
> 
> http://www.crisistextline.org/textline/?gclid=CKGC5cravtICFZIvgQodQzMH6w
> 
> or call this number 
> 
> 214-709-1177
> 
> love you all and stay amazing :3

**Author's Note:**

> ha ha i have no soul do i
> 
> may add another chapter from Herc's point of view? what do you all think?


End file.
